Mirror To My Soul

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You can see me for who I am
How I look, Where I go
What I choose to do
But little will you know ‘why’
And that’s who I really am.

Like the many others trying to make sense of the world,
I observe. I feel. I speak.
I’d lend you an ear, I could sit and talk
I might fight you and help you pick up the pieces later
I could rage a storm, but I would prefer peace
We’d share a smile or cry together
I might fancy someone, ignore a couple
You’d know me till the layers I let you see through
And no more.

I am that me
Who you might not see
Neither do I sometimes
Hence, trying to find myself in others

I am the creation of many
The many emotions that reflect
Off my laughter and tears
The waves of love and hate
Together, carrying me across life.

I am not just my words
I am their echo in your eyes;
I am not to be counted within the minutes I spare
Instead, count me in the moments
That remain a part of you
I shall not be restricted to the faces of the accepted and the known
Because as I leap across the limits of
Curiosity and collateral truths
You will safeguard my secrets and sins
I may not be conscious of the path I tread
As long as I see the light
Reflecting off your face unto mine

I am made of glasses
Some painted at the back – mirroring your soul
Refracting your scars, your grin
Trying to make sense of your voice above the din.

I can be the squeaky clean glass of
Your French window heart
My world, your scenery
My life, your storybook.
But only a few get to look.

Glasses break and lives shatter
As equations alter and steps falter
I learn. I seek. I follow.
Only to know better than what I knew yesterday –
To know you and cut my jigsaws accordingly

I am not what you see
I am what you show me to be.

Irony of Liars

I fear the lies I might hear. The broken truth that could make me feel lost in a world I, otherwise , know like the back of my hand. So like my mother tried to drive away my childhood fear of ghosts by making me believe their non-existence, I try that trick with lies. 

But while convincing myself that truth has no antonyms, I realise the irony of liars.

 

There are no lies
Strictly miracles and magic
That make things happen the
Way you know it to be
Only people use the wrong spell sometimes
There are no lies
Just words put together
Stringed in the mind of faith
In perfect sequence and serenity
They just sound different when you hear them
There are no lies
Maybe role playing, a little screenplay
Maybe Shakespeare was right
Maybe all the world’s a stage
If only the irony was stage fright
There are no lies
Only the truth
Plain, transparent like a clear sky
On a summer day
That shows you the endlessness of
Blue, of sunshine and life
There are no lies
There’s truth- hidden, opaque, covered, blackened out
Like a thunderstorm at night
Blinding light, the black closing in on the
Infinity we once witnessed
Enraptured, unguarded
There are no lies
But there are storms
That rip you apart
Send you fumbling
In a sea of misconceptions, misnomer
Misguided, you walk into the dark
There are no lies
Just forgetful beings on
An uphill maze; like cobwebbed streets
And unending ways
The maps never seen, never made!
There are no lies
Fiction is for the books
It is exactly how it looks
Don’t  tell me otherwise
There are no…
There are no lies
THERE ARE NO LIES
There are NO lies
there are no lies
Are there?

Silence

You can’t hear me
Neither can I
It’s the hum of my conscience
That’s keeping us alive

I heave a sigh
Of relief and pain
While the noise of my thoughts
Is making me insane

A newfound instinct
To tread life’s path
Where I follow the thuds
Of a deafened heart

We are no strangers
We speak to the souls
That peek through our eyes
Into a heaven unknown

I no longer stand
To make you hear
Instead, I listen to
The silence beat fear.


Featured Image Credits: Flickr

When Fifty.

One day I’ll be fifty
Greying hair and crow feet
The first few things
That you might notice
Never knowing the
Sights I have seen ,
With the wind in my hair ;
Unable to understand
The memoirs I collected from the
Life I explored
For fifty long years.

One day I’ll be fifty
Teenage kids and curfew timings
The rules you”ll criticise
Might not be easy to decode.
Trust the time I will have travelled
Second by second
Frame by frame;
Knowing the fears of the dark
hearts ; never the sky
For it has been the same
For fifty and the years before.

Fifty shall come
Layered on by the dust
Of memories and musings;
Fifty shall come
With time and tales
Of the era bygone;
Fifty shall come
Like come any other
In the life of men;
Fifty shall come
After fifty I have lived.

One day I’ll be fifty
But, it’s just not today.

Fifty

Names

He strung a few alphabets together
That’t who my daughter will be
To this world, those who will
Behold her for her courage and her mind
Her tears and her anger
Her words, her laughter , her choices
He gave her an identity
He named her.

She called out to her by what she
Stands to be ; what she stands up for
Against disharmony and wars,
Against dishonour,enmity and hate
Against restricted thoughts & oppressive ideologies
As she filled it with colour and shade
That which was her identity.
That which was her name.

I saw her stride through years
The name, her code in this world
A kaliedoscope and a maze
A memory, never same
An idea, A thought, A smile
She dared to be the petal amongst autumn leaves
Because that was her identity.
Her name.

Open To Failure

Failure. Its a pretty big situation. And what is even worse is the depression and all the mixed feelings that come along with it. Not that I haven’t heard of this particular word and its many phases before, I certainly have. Only, I have never felt it – never in recurring or heavy doses atleast.

Yes, I have faltered and fallen down but never completely failed before myself. Having been that person for as long back as I can remember , I choose what I want to do and I make myself pretty good at it, if not the best. Each time someone sets out to grab a chance at being good, there are always going to be the missteps that sprain hope and determination. Yet, the pure greed to get what I want led me to it.

Failing at something I was once fairly good at – hurts. I fell, got back up and dusted myself only to fall pretty hard this time. I fractured the reigns of perseverance and practice that kept it all together.  The feeling hits hard and makes everything else seem lackluster and vapid while I constantly try to pull up my socks and push up my spirits only to crumble into a heap of anxious fury.
I try telling myself, “This can’t be so hard to handle. After all failures are stepping stones to success. Why should one of them take you all the way down?”

It so happens that words are easier said than put to any good use. A continual effort of rigorous faith and obstinacy of mind and manner maybe the hard way out, but is the only way out. Easy makes me fearless on the outside but an absolute coward on the inside. Having been through a phase like that, I have no mind to visit it again.

So, until I nurture back my sprained ankle from basketball and fractured hopes from defeats and frustrated attempts , I hope to learn bouncing back from debacles rather than burying myself under the fear of one.   

Open

Can I Tell You A Secret?

Do I get a share, in the minutes of your time?
Would you sit up straight and look me in the eye?
Can I get you , absolutely, for a little while?
Could we take a break from this life that is a lie?
I might need a shoulder, some tissues, maybe a joke
Hey old friend , lost in the years and through places
Can I tell you a secret?

Is there any place on earth that we could go back in time?
Would you still fight and cry and later understand?
Should I get my gun or will you be my shield?
Can we run breathless , out on that field?
I might need a band-aid and I might need a hand
Hey there tenth grade enemy, since we are now friends
Can I tell you a secret?

If I would like to turn around, do we still have time?
Do we know our way around or are we still lost like the past?
Will I get an answer for all the questions I ask?
Would you lend me your ears and ditch that filthy mask?
I might need water, a few words and a new approach
Hey listen up , if you promise to keep it safe
Can I tell you a secret?

Do we judge what has been and spare ourselves this time?
If it wasn’t for misunderstandings , would we be just fine?
I know you won’t be far away, if I know you right?
I hope we can go on, for days infinite;
I might need nothing , just you by my side
Against my fears, as we put up a fight
Can I  tell you a secret?

 
Understanding